| | I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of being the one you call the night before... at the eleventh hour.
I'm tired of
being the one you ask for for updates when you missed out on something,
the one who's your spare tyre, the one whom you call on only when you
need something. Once you get it, you're out the front door, without
time for it to even slam back jarringly on its hinges. Leaving me
behind. Like so many before you have.
I'm tired of seeing your name on my caller ID, of seeing my phone ring and vibrate while you try to get your 30 seconds' worth of information. I've never even said more than 10 words to you in my entire life, and you're doing this to me? Asking things like that of me? Heh... Ridiculous.
I don't know everything. I never proclaimed I did. So stop calling me that. Stop it. 'Cause I really, really hate it. Is that all you really know me by? That girl who goes by that name... whom you say hi to every once in a while but who's not really worth your precious time? Heh... Yeah, I don't warrant anything more than that, so stop wasting my time, stop playing around with me.
You know what I hate most, though? That I let you do all this to me. Stupid, stupid me.
Stupid Jacqui who's too kind for her own good. Who's too gullible. Too nice. Too eager to please everyone. Too 'perfect'. Whatever. Call it what you want to call it.
How many of you actually mean what you say? How many of you actually stick around?
People move on, I know. People change. I've seen more than enough of that to know how real it is. Yet it still hits me everytime. It still stings.
I wonder what it's like to be you. You. You. And you over there. Happily smiling in those pictures. Laughing. Having the time of your lives. I wonder what it's like. I think it must be nice. Really nice, in fact. And I'm jealous of you. Yes, I really am. Not easy to admit, and not something I'm proud of - hardly, in fact. But yes, I am. But I'm working on it too. I really am, my Lord. I know I've changed, in a few ways, but still... I'm trying very hard to. Trying to let go of everything. Trying to go back to before.
Don't treat me like this again, please? Don't be so inconsiderate. 'Cause I get hurt really easily. And I'll cry. And lose my way. Lose my focus. And lose my purpose.
More goodbyes coming up. More painful realizations. More farewells. More waiting...
Where are you...? I need you now... Sigh....
|
| | Posted 6/8/2008 2:27 AM - 60 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
